Performance Anxiety

This year I have learned that perhaps one of the most distracting and useless things one can do in training for a race is to obsess over the race itself. I haven’t been running much this summer, and yes part of me hates that because I know I could, but the run snob in me refused because I knew I’d be slower than I wanted…and that slower wouldn’t do when you have 26.2 looming over your head. So I rested and just thought about running and ran when I wanted to. 

I don’t want to go through another summer like that again.

With all of the pressure I’ve silently piled upon myself to tackle a marathon, I think I psyched myself out of the positive mental state I’m usually in. My goal, instead of being something fun to try, became some large ominous obstacle to tackle. One that seemed bigger than me. One that seemed damn near impossible.

So you know what?

I’m not going to think about this MCM anymore. Don’t really want to talk about it either. I’m just going to run. Long and short. Fast and slow. Whatever. Because as I was sitting here looking at my fall race calendar, I’d forgotten all about the fun little and longer races I have planned for myself. The Rock n Roll in Philly and NYC, the Philly Half Marathon, the fun Christmas and New Year’s races I did last year…yea, this is gonna be an awesome running season, and it doesn’t stop on Oct. 28th with the MCM. I needed to remember that, and to really sit down and have a conversation with myself about things that I want to do, am doing, can do, and can not do. Sometimes we have to do a check-in with ourselves just to make sure that mind, body, spirit are all on the same page. Part of my anxiety lately has been due to the fact that I don’t think the three of us were all together when it came to this training thing. I’m trying to fix that now, and I think the first step in that is to stop talking about training…and start talking about running. Simply running.

this is how it’s going to be from now on


2 thoughts on “Performance Anxiety

  1. I love this post as I too have been obsessing over the Diva Half Oct 7th. I am a slow runner and keep thinking…OMG they are going to kick me of the course.

    • i run slow too, and i’ve found that most races will allow you to finish as long as you are not on the roads when they need to start opening them again. another thing that i will sometimes do is to take a look at the times of finishers for that particular race in years past to see what time the last person crossed the finish line. what ive noticed is that sometimes, even though they may cap a course at a specific time limit, you will see folks that have taken much longer to actually complete the course and they are still marked off as finishers. 🙂

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